Keep Getting Out There Dating!

Dating: Keep Getting Out There!

When you’re dating, you know you need to keep getting out there. How else are you going to meet new people? But what if you just don’t feel like it?

Dating as summer day or slog through the rain

Dating can be an enjoyable lark, like playing with a friend on a summer day. Or it can be a discouraging slog, like forcing yourself to go out in the rain when you’d rather stay warm and dry in your house.

Getting to the summer day

Sometimes, in order to get to that summer day, we have to slog through the rain until the sun comes out. We have to push through our resistance to doing whatever it takes to meet new people to date.

The dating project: pushing through my resistance

In my quest to find my current partner, I had a goal of going on 50 first dates (See my post: Why 50 First Dates?). I called it my dating project, and in order to keep it going, there were many times I had to push through my resistance to go to events where I might meet dates.

Sometimes no dates came from those events. But sometimes, they did. 

When getting out there paid off

Here are two examples from my dating project when I pushed through my resistance and it paid off.  Both times involved parties: 1) tearing myself away from a party, and 2) forcing myself to go to a party alone. I hope these stories encourage you to push through your own resistance.

1) Tearing myself away from a party

A party I was enjoying

Lounging in Ellen’s big living room on pillows and couches with my closest friends, all I wanted to do was to stay there all afternoon and evening. It was the day after Thanksgiving and I was full from leftovers and glad to see friends after spending Thanksgiving with relatives. I was chatting, cuddling (my friends are very touchy like me), and listening to peaceful music.

A singles event nearby

Suddenly I remembered that just half an hour away, at the local meditation center, was a meditation evening for singles – it combined a spiritual talk, a discussion, and then mingling.  I did not feel like going, because I was so happy where I was. Wasn’t the point of dating to have a good life?  And here I was having it, so why would I leave it? 

A dating project to finish!

The dating project director in my mind took charge. I had a dating project to finish! I knew I would like the type of single men who attended, and my own house was an hour and a half from the center, so this was the closest I’d be to the center in a long time.   

Tearing myself away from the party

Reluctantly, I pulled out of pile of cuddly friends, got up, changed out of my jeans into soothing meditation clothes, and drove out there.  I arrived just as the talk was ending, but I joined a discussion group, and met Gregory, a spiritual businessman – just type I wanted to date! 

The reward for leaving the party

Afterwards, Gregory asked me if I wanted to have dinner sometime. That dinner became date #27. We ended up dating for a few months, and I learned important lessons from him about what I needed in a partner.  

All because I forced myself to leave a party.   

2) Forcing myself to go to a party

Feeling alone on Valentine’s Day

It was Valentine’s Day, and the only card I received was from my mother.  I had just passed date #11 in the dating project, and I was feeling discouraged.  I had a few lovers, but they were all with others that night.  So that left me to go, as a single woman, to a Valentine’s Day party. 

A Valentine party I was scared to attend

I was drawn to the party—a spiritual one that included a warm pool ceremony with laser lights and meditations, along with a cozy fire and soft living room futons to lounge on. However, it was scary going alone, and I had to push myself to get dressed up and go.  It was even more scary to arrive there, and see all the couples.  I almost left.

From left out to connected

I told myself that I was loved, by my mother, my lovers, my ex-boyfriend, my friends, anyone I could think of. This made me brave. I chatted with the hosts, Gabriel and Danielle, who welcomed me there. But when the pool ceremony started, everyone paired up, and I felt left out. Gabriel started the ceremony by asking us to stand on our own and feel the water surrounding our own body. I felt returned to myself.  We formed a circle and he guided us into a short meditative time with each person. I felt connected to both women and men. 

Love, light, and a date

Afterwards, I felt full of love and light on my own.  I drifted over to the side of the pool, and there was Ray, one of my meditation partners.  We started talking. Eventually we started kissing and he asked me for a date. He became date #12, and although I realized that I did not want more than one date, I learned something from Ray, and it got me closer to my partner.  

All because I had forced myself to go to that party.

What helped me break through my resistance?

First, my goal of 50 first dates pulled me forward and made me go to events that I might have declined because they were not comfortable to go to. I had to get to 50 dates, so getting out there was a high priority. I was always glad I had gone.

Second, most times that I slogged through the rain and got out there, I was rewarded by either the sunny day of a date, or a lesson about myself. And each date got me closer to the partner I believed was out there.

You can read more about these and other dates and how all these dates led to the right partner for me in my memoir, Fifty First Dates After Fifty,

What might help you in getting out there?

A goal of a number of dates worked for me, but other types of goals or rewards or friends cheering you on might work better for you.  What would help you get out there more in the dating world?  Best wishes for a rewarding and successful dating journey!