Where Did I Find 50 Men?

Where Did I Find 50 Men?

My book, Fifty First Dates After Fifty, shows that going on first dates with 50 different men made dating more enjoyable and led to my perfect partner. But you might wonder—how did I come up with 50 men*? 

Creating a pool of men to choose from

Dating is a numbers game – the more people you go out with, the more likely you will find the right partner for you. To create a pool of fifty (see previous post for Why 50 First Dates?), I looked for places where I could meet a variety of men, practice relationship skills, and develop friendships as well as find one special man.  While cities have the most opportunities for meeting people, the four types of places I used can be found anywhere to some extent, either in-person or online:

  • °Online dating

Online dating provides a big pool to choose from.  It is worth joining just to create an online profile—specifying who you are and the type of person you want.  This gives you a vision that will guide your whole dating journey, whether or not you connect with anyone online. Many people have found partners online.  I found eight dates.

  • Activities you love

Live the life you want to lead with or without a partner—join groups and do activities that you love. Get to know the men there. For me, that meant Sierra Club hikes, meditation nights at retreat centers, dances, spiritual gatherings, and professional organizations. If these groups had singles events, I attended.  However, any group with a mix of singles and couples will do, as long as it is something you enjoy doing, and it includes the type of men you want to date. I found eleven dates this way.  

  • Being open wherever you are

Be open to meeting men wherever you are.  I met one in a real estate seminar.  Another at a photography exhibit.  Five were referrals from friends.  Nine dates came from just being open.

  • Best place of all: relationship workshops!

If you want to find a man who is interested in forming a loving relationship, attend workshops on creating loving relationships!  What a high-quality pool of men to meet, become friends with, and possibly date—men who are working on improving their relationships! I found almost half my dates there.   

It was not just the workshops, but the community around them that was the source of dates. When I took my first relationship workshop, I stepped into a large community of people who had done the workshops in previous years. They put on local parties and gatherings, where we practiced what we’d learned—clear communication, self-love, and appreciation for others. By the time I started dating, I knew dozens of men, many of them single, who I would want to date or be friends with. I had also developed my dating and relationship skills. These types of workshops, both in-person and online, can be found all around the U.S. and world.  The two I recommend are on my website under Dating Resources.

Finding my partner

And the partner I found?  I met him doing an activity I loved and learned that he had attended similar workshops. Our common training in communication, self-love, and appreciation gave us the basis not only for dating, but for our relationship, now over 10 years and going strong.    

Where have you found people to date? Where would you like to look? Share in comments!

Goals of this blog

I want to inspire women, especially midlife and older women, to enjoy dating and find the right partner for them; model being sexual in our 50s and beyond for those who want that; and encourage all women to be brave, in dating, or in any part of their life.  Thanks for joining me on this journey!

*I was looking for a male partner, but this method could be used for searching for a partner of any gender.

Published by Carolyn Lee Arnold

I'm the author of Fifty First Dates After Fifty: A Memoir, about my dating adventures to find my perfect partner in my late fifties. I found him, and we've been happily together for over 10 years. These blog posts explore what I learned while dating and from writing my book. For more about the book, including dating resources, other writings, and fun interviews with me, check out my website at the top of this page.

3 thoughts on “Where Did I Find 50 Men?

  1. I was married 12 years to a man that did not sing, or understand the love of singing. I was in Sweet Adelines (an International women’s acapella singing group), and would travel for competitions, leaving him with our 2 kids for the weekend. Needless to say, this was a sore spot in our marriage.
    After the divorce, I swore I would marry a singer. How to do that? Well, my women’s chorus was doing a show with the men’s chorus, and when they were lined up rehearsing, I chose a couple men to meet, I talked to them after rehearsal, said I was looking forward to seeing them next week. One was already married, and the other one is now MY husband! (of 17 years)
    Carolyn is right…. go participate in the activities you love most, whether it’s singing, hiking, or workshops …. and find your Mr. Right there… you will already have so much in common, and he won’t put down your hobby, as he shares it! ❤🎵🎶🎼❤

    1. Crystal, I LOVE your story! It totally illustrates my point – you purposely looked for a man who shared your interest in singing, and now you both sing together – I’ve seen you do it and you are such an entertaining and sweet musical team! Congratulations for finding your own Mr. Right!

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