Wild Women Dating: 8 Self-Loving Suggestions

Wild Women Dating - Four women outdoors on rocky ground, silhouetted against a peach dawn, arms outspread like they are dancing or celebrating.

Wild Women Dating: 8 Self-Loving Suggestions

Wild Women and Dating

Do you consider yourself a wild woman? Wild women can enthusiastically enjoy dating, but can also have a rough time because of the nature of being wild. As a wild woman, I follow my passion for creativity, personal growth, connection, and sexuality, and I’m brave and bold in the ways I go about it. We are not alone. There are many wild women who live passionately and boldly throw themselves into the fire of life, not to get burned, but to feel everything. We take risks that might lead to big rewards, because we want our light, our life, to shine bright. Because we take risks, wild women can get burned while dating. However, if we are looking for a partner, we pick ourselves up and keep going. How do we do it?

Wild Women as brave daters

Wild women are brave daters — we purposely throw ourselves into the fire of dating and take risks. We may ask men out rather than wait to be asked, or make love or sleep with men on an early date, rather than wait until we know them better.  

Wild Women as sexual women

Sexuality might be the ultimate fire of life. Many of us wild women take risks with our heart and body to feel all the rewards of sensuality and sexuality. This can lead to exquisite moments, but if we get burned, we need ways to take good care of ourselves.

Dating men can be harder on Wild Women’s hearts

Dating men can be hard on any woman’s heart—raising hopes that this date will be the perfect man, and dashing hopes when he disappoints or rejects you. The pain of hopes raised and dashed are compounded for wild women, who might have risked their heart or body more by being assertive or sexual with men.

Ouch!  Rejection can pierce our hearts at any time, but the deeper we experience attraction, longing and touch, the deeper the date or dates can hurt us. How do we keep going when the dating gets tough?

Dating as a Wild Woman

I thrive on touch and sex. In my 40s, I vowed to continue being sexual and sleeping with men, whether or not I had a partner. When I was dating in my late 50s to find a life partner, I set a goal to to go out with fifty men, and I was sexual with many of them. I wanted to enjoy touch and sexuality along the way to finding a partner, not just after I found him.

As a wild woman dating, my hopes were raised and dashed many times. I had to find ways to take good care of my heart and body. My memoir, Fifty First Dates After Fifty, chronicles my dating journey and shows how I loved myself as I searched for and found my partner.

Eight ways for Wild Women to keep going

These self-loving suggestions for my fellow Wild Women are based on what I did while I was dating.  They helped me stay positive and safe, rise from any hurt, and keep going.

  1. Set a goal of a number of dates or a time period, so you aren’t invested in any one date working out (see my post, Why 50 FIrst Dates?)
  2. Gather women friends, preferably other wild ones, who will support and celebrate your bravery during this journey, via phone, email or in person, and if there is a fall—some hopes raised and dashed—will comfort you and remind you that he was not the one.  If possible, form a women’s group that meets regularly.
  3. Decide how you will protect your body from STDs and COVID. Require the safe sex/ safe COVID conversations and supplies that will make you feel safe.  
  4. Find men who are lovers but not partners to give you touch and sex along the way (See my post, Lovers As Dating Support!).
  5. Have heart to heart talks with your heart.  Listen to her, hug her, and tell her that she is amazing to stay open even though she gets hurt (See my post, 6 Ways to Protect and Nurture Your Heart)
  6. Write yourself love notes and longer loving journal entries.
  7. Treat yourself well physically—take baths with peaceful music, get massages, eat healthy food, get exercise, and ask for non-sexual touch from friends.
  8. Sit on your couch, holding your cat, dog, or stuffed animal, and watch your favorite positive sit coms or movies.

Self-love in action!

When my heart hurt or I was profoundly disappointed, I used all these steps, starting with number 5: the heart to heart with my heart. I comforted her with my head and body, doing all the comfort things—talking to her, writing myself love notes, sitting on the couch holding my cat, watching my favorite sit com (Friends) episodes, taking a bath with peaceful music. I also put out alarms via email or phone to my friends, lovers, and ex-lovers, and they sent comforting notes, or came by and hugged me.  

Hurt and disappointment – not so bad!

All those practices helped, and affirmed that it’s not so bad to be disappointed or even hurt.  Our hearts can recover and go on if they know we love them.  Wild women can recover if we remember to love ourselves by taking good care of our hearts and bodies.

Tell me – Are you a Wild Woman?

Do you consider yourself a wild woman?  In what way?  How do you take care of yourself? Answer in the comments or in an email to me:  carolyn@carolynleearnold.com

The Wild Woman archetype: links

If you are interested in the Wild Woman archetype, see these resources:

25 Undeniable Signs of a Wild Woman and Free Spirit, by Dawn Elizabeth

Wild Women Sisterhood Instagram feed

Published by Carolyn Lee Arnold

I'm the author of Fifty First Dates After Fifty: A Memoir, about my dating adventures to find my perfect partner in my late fifties. I found him, and we've been happily together for over 10 years. These blog posts explore what I learned while dating and from writing my book. For more about the book, including dating resources, other writings, and fun interviews with me, check out my website at the top of this page.

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